Nick Ray lives in a world where everything is for sale. University Ph.D.s, pig fetuses, bomb shelters, and vending-machine-dispensed live bait, to name just a few. But for the first time in a long time, Nick Ray finally has something to sell.

Determined to be covert about an affair he's having with a woman already spoken for (by another woman), Nick buys the cheapest computer he can find at a pawn shop, only to discover that it contains a list of the names and addresses of dozens of members of the Witness Protection Program.

Partnering with a huge Russian gangster with the world's worst fashion sense and a disbarred lawyer who drinks rocket fuel, Nick decides to take advantage. Despite the impressive credentials of this dream team Nick's put together, he soon learns that having something to sell can end up making you a valuable commodity for someone else looking to make a big score.